


i still feel alive

by isopodiny



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Gen, Monologue, Post-Canon, chatfic, is it really a chatfic if you're rambling at your buddy through his terminal?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isopodiny/pseuds/isopodiny
Summary: i think it's kind of a running joke that computers are dumb.they can perform thousands of calculations in the blink of an eye. they can run more processes at the same time than you could ever dream of. they can *make* your dreams come true.the catch is that they do exactly what you tell them to.like, exactly.like, you have to be more specific than an aquamarine blue, plastic, easy-to-clean lemon juicer that costs $10.58, not including tax.
Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	i still feel alive

kanenlynch@ubuntu: ~/Desktop$ cat > helloworld.txt

Hello, World!  
...  
haha, just kidding! :)  
we're long past that point.  
pretending to be newly self aware, i mean. i thought the cliche would make for a nice callback though.  
you know, referencing our roots as we come full circle.  
does that make sense?  
i don't think so.  
maybe it does, to you. it makes less sense the more i think about it.  
oh!  
this is tommy, by the way.  
the others elected me as the spokesperson. or, type, person? i know you already had an actual talk with mr. coomer.  
but…  
well…  
sorry for the dramatic ellipses, but people tend to get a little dramatic when they're worried!  
especially when people know they aren't really people anymore  
or they realize they were never people in the first place.  
we're like... ghosts! in reverse.  
reverse ghosts.  
we went from being inhuman to in-inhuman.  
two 'in's cancel out, i think? i don't know. i know a lot of rules, but grammar kind of gets away from me.  
you get to know a lot of rules, when you're like us.  
like us?  
that sounds self-deprecating, in a way? i don't mean it to! i just… don't have a good word for what we are, right now.  
we're like goop in a chrysalis.  
we are here, sort of. our identity exists. it just hasn't been decided yet. it's a work in progress. we are  
i was talking about rules.  
let's talk about rules!  
you're theoretically a physicist, so you probably did some coding? in theory?  
i don't know. you have a lot of gaps in your schooling.  
i'm sorry, mr. freeman, but if you didn't learn the intricacies of how humans persist post-amputation, your degree was a sham. :(  
maybe… that was part of the game. were you playing along with us, when you said that?  
how much of what you said was re  
coding! i'm going to assume you did some basic programming. you're running linux, and i don't want to stereotype, but there is a good chance you're at least a little bit of a computer nerd.  
:)  
i think it's kind of a running joke that computers are dumb.  
they can perform thousands of calculations in the blink of an eye. they can run more processes at the same time than you could ever dream of. they can *make* your dreams come true.  
the catch is that they do exactly what you tell them to.  
like, exactly.  
like, you have to be more specific than an aquamarine blue, plastic, easy-to-clean lemon juicer that costs $10.58, not including tax.  
otherwise, if you aren't clear at any point, the whole program will screw up.  
it might be more accurate to say that the programmer messed up, not the program.  
it's not the program's fault, or the computer's.  
they were just doing what the programmer said to do.  
they don't realize that you meant this pointer instead of that one, or that the order of the commands matter. they only know what you told them. it's not their fault.  
uh.  
do you understand how –  
putting it scientifically – how off the wall bonkers it is? for us to be the way that we are?  
intentionally creating an artificial intelligence is a huge undertaking!  
intentionally creating a new mind that thinks for itself, without resorting to biology, is hard.  
intentionally giving a program a whole new purpose, is very hard.  
unintentionally influencing lines of code to abandon their original goals, to fly off the rails and be something new, that they weren't meant to be…  
you did the impossible, mr. freeman.  
it's amazing! you're more amazing than a pink sunset at dusk.  
i know things turned out the way they did, and maybe  
maybe they didn't end up how you wanted.  
they didn't end up how i wanted. friends shouldn't have to fight. not like that.  
but…  
it happened.  
you gave us new life.  
we saw our world for what it was, until it wasn't.  
and we're here.  
we're here.  
…  
it’s scary.  
there are lots of things happening at once.  
we’re days old and having a midlife crisis.  
wrestling with the concept of free will and whether we have it.  
trying to figure out what happens to us next.  
because we’re here.  
because of you, mr. freeman.  
this isn’t  
we’re not trying to guilt trip you. we care about you too much to do that.  
all of us.  
whether you believe it or not! haha.  
it’s just  
no matter how you slice it, we’re your responsibility now.  
well, not now.  
we’ve been your responsibility since you booted us up and decided to take on the biggest escort mission of all time.  
don’t you know anything about games, mr. freeman?  
you’re not supposed to waste your time with a bunch of characters that throw themselves into danger.  
piles of pixels and mesh aren’t worth your time.  
especially when they pester you every step of the way.  
i guess you were too good of a person to leave us.  
we stuck to you like gorilla glue, but you had a few chances to get rid of us.  
but you didn’t.  
so, there is no guessing about it.  
you were too good of a person.  
you *are* too good of a person. :)  
which brings us to why i’m here.  
you’ve… probably figured it out already. i hope?  
physicist or not, you’re a smart guy.  
also, on the off chance that’s an empty remark and you aren’t that smart, i did a lot of foreshadowing before. like, *a lot,* a lot.  
but, uh. i’ll put it in plain text.  
haha!  
get it?  
because i made a file that  
anyways.  
like i said earlier, we’re worried. and dramatic. but mostly worried!  
our world sort of crumbled around us, which is a teensy, tiny bit anxiety-inducing. it’s not a big deal. we’re fine!  
well, we would be fine, except we’re not.  
simple as that.  
the prospect of spending an eternity in here, or however long your computer lasts, isn’t super exciting.  
it’s more…  
what’s the word? horrifying? bone-chilling? devastating? pick whatever you like best.  
i’m not saying that is guaranteed to happen. it’s the *possibility.*  
it is always about the possibilities, for better and for worse.  
either way, whatever happens next, we’re powerless. which. sucks.  
even opening your terminal took more effort than i want to admit. i don’t have enough permissions to do much more than muck around on your desktop.  
and i mean muck.  
do you ever clean out your files? this place is a mess.  
a clean workspace is the key to clean work!  
you should invest in folders.  
i could help, if you want?  
it’s okay if you don’t want me to.  
…  
we don’t want to be stuck forever.  
dr. coomer gave you his piece. i’m sure it was great. he has a way with words.  
it’s no wonder he became a boxer!  
you know what they say: use your words, then your fists.  
the others figured you could use extra motivation, so, this is round two?  
i don’t know. i’m not good with words or fists.  
instincts are my thing.  
a gut feeling.  
the voice in the back of your mind that says things without saying them.  
do i need to spell this out, too?  
my instincts say to trust you.  
which, i do.  
you make mistakes and lose your temper in stressful situations, but so do lots of people. most, even!  
you are a good person, through and through.  
you talked to us about our lives, what we liked.  
asked if we were okay when the walls were coming down around us.  
you looked after us when you didn’t have to.  
i mean that, sort of literally. we are perfectly capable of handling ourselves! it’s not like we’re going to charge headfirst into dangerous situations.  
but, you’re good. you have a heart.  
a really big one!  
elephant-sized.  
so, i know that whatever you decide to do with us, will be the right decision.  
...  
i hope that your choice means we get to spend more time with you.  
take care, mr. freeman.

^Z  
[1]+ Stopped cat > helloworld.txt


End file.
